Why kids fail

Some studies have indicated that educational programs like "Sesame Street" or "Barney" are beneficial, but only for kids between two-and-a-half and five years old. Developmental psychologist Diana Baumride found in the s that there are basically three kinds of parenting styles : permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative. The ideal is authoritative — a parent who tries to direct the child rationally.

The worst? Authoritarian parents who are demanding and discourage open communication. To put that in a real world context, authoritarian parents might say, "You need to get straight A's because I said so. On the other hand, authoritative parents would explain that good grades help kids learn and advance in life.

Authoritarian parenting could lead to inhibited performance in school, according to a study in Educational Psychology Review , though the author notes that "these findings are not consistent across culture, ethnicity, and socioeconomic status. A study published this year in the journal of Translational Psychiatry showed that distracted parents could negatively affect their children's development.

At the very least, our technology-induced distractions can't be a great thing. Some emergency room doctors who have seen a rise in child injuries believe our smart phones could be a plausible explanation, according to the Wall Street Journal.

And a Pennsylvania State University study posited that smartphone usage "poses a real danger to the welfare and development of children. Though it may seem obvious, there's no replacement for developing a healthy, positive bond with your child. Multiple studies have found low levels of parental warmth can contribute to behavioral problems as well as insecurity and emotional difficulties in children and adolescents.

Kids who don't get parental praise may also experience social withdrawal and anxiety, according to one study. The world often sees children as a reflection of their parents. The common belief is that when your teen fails, it reflects poorly on you.

No one wants to be judged. Whatever the reason, it becomes second nature to protect your children from failure. But failure is a part of growing. Even though you have the best intentions, you have to let your kids fail. And yet we know — on some level, at least — that what kids need more than anything is a little hardship: some challenge, some deprivation that they can overcome, even if just to prove to themselves that they can. The message is often implied or even stated that failure is not an option.

If she fails, be there to listen, support and validate her feelings. Then when she feels supported, ask her what she wants to learn from the situation.

Help her work through any disappointment and help her prepare herself to do better next time. Let her try again and fail again. One fails forward toward success. Some students try to work full-time hours outside of school and still find time for family and friends. This can be a recipe for disaster. There are many high school drop outs with better than average intelligence. In many cases, these individuals can succeed when information is presented to them differently or they are allowed different ways of demonstrating their knowledge about the material they are learning.

Parents of students who are trying their hardest to learn in a regular classroom but not succeeding should inquire about the availability of alternate programs. Some school boards are moving toward different ways for students to get credits including self-directed studies and distance or computer education.

The good news about all the issues listed above is that there are ways of addressing them. In all instances, there are people or agencies who can provide support. It could be as simple as a quick discussion of what went wrong and how it can be fixed. Mark Griffin: A good rule of thumb is to let kids fail when they have a good shot at learning from it and getting better at problem-solving the next time.

If kids have no chance of success because of lack of skills or strategies, constant failure only make things worse. Elizabeth Harstad: If your child is upset by his failed attempt, it can help to acknowledge his feelings. Use emotion words like angry or sad to help him label his feelings and learn how to cope with them. Remind him of his strengths and help him identify what may have gone wrong to contribute to the failure. Then come up with a plan for how to try differently next time.

Brendan Hodnett: When kids play video games they explore each level through trial and error. And they naturally correct their mistakes each time until they get to the end. This approach can be applied to other things.